Countdown to Disagreement
by Charles RocketBoy
Summary: Lord Zedd. Count Dregon. Grimlord. The Earth would be theirs if they unite... uh, yeah, good luck with that, guys.


Three of the most feared monsters in all creation sat at the table, a map of the Earth spread out to be carved up. Lord Zedd, ruler of dark dimensions; Grimlord, dread dictator of the Virtual World; Count Dregon, a man poisoning his own race out of spite. If their forces were united, Earth would fall in days.

"I've changed my mind," said Dregon. "I _do _want the Dutch Antilles."

Lord Zedd roared and set the table on fire with a wave of his staff.

"NO!" screamed Grimlord. "No, you will not do this to us _again! _It's always the damned islands with you, what is it with-"

"Of course you would say that," said the Edonite coldly. "_You _have more islands than the rest of us."

"That's true," said Lord Zedd, turning on the other villain. "Is there something you're not telling us about them, Grimlord? Some advantage you plan to use when our backs are turned?"

"I'll give him Ireland-"

"Oh you will _not_! Then he'll want me to give him Northern Ireland-"

"You didn't want Northern Ireland in the first place!" Grimlord stared at Zedd with burning hatred. "_I _wanted that."

"I know."

* * *

As the sounds of shouting, swearing, and accusations of mother infidelities filled the air, Goldar finishing dealing out the cards and took hold of his own.

"I'm putting down ten," he growled, but that meant nothing because he naturally growled.

"I'll raise you twenty," said Cyclopter.

"Matched."

"Same here," said General Icebot.

"You have a deal," said Double Face.

General Ivar spat. "I'm out."

"Hey, Goldar, there's these weird marks on all the cards," said Rito. "You should really clean them."

There was a long, embarrassed pause.

"I'll explain later, bonehead," said Goldar, trying not to meet the eyes of his peers.

"When do I yell 'Go Fish' again?"

"He is not coming next week," said Double Face. "I don't care if you have to use the Monster-Matic again, _someone else _is coming next week."

"Oh, that's rich, coming from Mister I-Want-To-Vet-The-Monsters…"

"Be fair, Goldar," said Cyclopter, "Pudgy Pig kept eating the chips."

"And the cards, and the table," muttered Double Face.

"Alright, _alright! _I'll create another Peckster. You all liked Peckster, right?"

Rito continued to make one of his cards fly around the room, adding "neeeeooown tt-t-t-tt!" noises.

* * *

"Okay, fine, how about we _destroy _Ireland and the Antilles?" asked Grimlord. "And then, I have less islands."

"You would rather destroy them than give any up?" asked Dregon. "In that case, I'd quite like some of the Indonesian ones."

"Then _I_ want _Botswana_."

Dregon and Grimlord stared each other down, hate against hate, until Dregon hissed "how about we destroy that too, to equalise the African holdings?"

"You know, I'd quite like to have some more of south Asia," said Zedd 'innocently'.

* * *

"And that's why our arrival on Earth was delayed by five days," said Nefaria smugly. "I kept telling him and telling him…"

Rita cackled. "Just like them to never ask for directions! Zeddy took me to destroy Flootar VII for my birthday and ended up on the Other Deserted Planet – he was still trying to claim it was the right one for the rest of the week! So I cursed the remote control so every time he used it, he would only get snooker matches."

The women all laughed. A laugh that was ruined by Skug #712 laughing too much, too hard, too desperately.

"Golf! That's great! Because snooker is _boring!_"

Rita raised her staff, but Nefaria waved her away. "Look, you really need to dial it down," she told the Skug gently. "You're trying too hard, it puts us off."

"I'm sorry. I just… This is the only time I get to meet other female villains outside of the other Skugs." She looked down. "I'm so lonely."

"I can cure _that_-"

"_No_, Rita. She owes me money."

* * *

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!" roared Zedd, hurling arcane energy at the furniture. "I'LL SETTLE THIS DEBATE ONCE AND FOR ALL!"

"Damn it, Zedd, not again, _you are not turning the chair into a monster again—_"

"And why does it have to be _my _chair? Do Grimlord's! It'd do him good to get off his backside now and then—"

"Don't make me destroy you-"

"AHAHAHAHA ARISE SEATOR! DESTROY MY ENEMIES!"

* * *

Part of the wall exploded, knocking the beer over. The monsters gave an ironic cheer.

"Master must have turned a chair into a monster again," said Goldar. "We better wrap this up. See you all next week."

"Not if the good guys don't destroy one of us first!"

The monsters laughed, but it was a sad laugh, a laugh to keep a dark and terrible truth at bay.

* * *

"I have never been so insulted as I am when I have to witness your idiocy and ugliness!" roared Zedd.

"I will destroy you both if I have to see you doing anything expect bowing to me!" roared Grimlord, trying to be louder.

"Cooperate with you two? I'll reduce this planet to a cinder so you can't even have the slightest speck, you prattling cretins!" roared Dregon, winning the competition.

"Don't forget, next week is Lothor's birthday, I'll bring a card and we can all sign it," said Zedd.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Command Centre:

"Zordon, there's a chair monster attacking the quarry!"

"Hmmm. I feared this moment would come-"

"Because it happens every Friday?"

"No one likes a smart arse, Alpha."


End file.
